NOTES:
This little piece of fluff (and I mean fluff!) was written for the Chi-Meet
gals. My thanks to Gerry for catching
the little errors that seem to occur when you write quickly.
He should have called a plumber. Rationally, he had always known that this was a job that required a plumber, but the afternoons of watching Bob Vila with Will tucked on his lap had made him dream that he was more of a handy man than he really was.
He had an Oxford education. If you could read a "how-to" book, why couldn't you do it yourself? Home Depot was built for guys like him.
With the baby tucked in a sling, he had approached the large, orange building, his mission set. Up and down the aisles he walked until he stood in front of them...the whirlpool baths.
"Can I help you sir?" a kid, who had to be skipping junior high, asked.
Mulder nodded and pointed up at the large, cream-colored, sunken bath with 12 power jets.
"Are they hard to put in?"
"Nah, we've got some directions printed out. You could get one of those Time-Life books, though, if you really want to do it up, though."
Mulder nodded again. "And you deliver?"
"Sure thing. When do you want it?"
****
The house in Falls Church had been perfect, except the bath tub. It had a
nice little garage for Scully's car, a yard for Will to play in and an office
for Mulder to work on his projects. The nursery was within earshot of the
master bedroom and there was even a third room to be used as a play room,
or a bedroom for Will, should there be someone else to occupy the nursery
later on.
But the bathroom was something else. It had a separate shower, a plus for Mulder, who hated to shower in a bathtub. He had suffered an unfortunate incident in a hotel in France when he was in college. While trying to get the bath to turn to a shower he had slipped and nearly brained himself on the sink. He had been reluctant to use the bath/shower combo again. But the shower was not the problem, the problem was the bath tub.
It was shallow, it had a slow drain and it was harvest gold. He had promised Scully as they walked through with the realtor that he would have it replaced. Of course he kept meaning to call the contractor, but never quite got around to it. And then one day, Bob and Riley put a whirlpool tub into the house they were working on. If Vila could do it, so could Mulder.
More dangerous words have never been spoken.
Spurring him on was the memory of every night his beloved would come home, sigh, take off her shoes and reach for their beautiful baby. After a few minutes cuddle, she would head for our room and the tub. The sigh was louder that time. He knew she missed the claw foot tub in her apartment. They had spent some wonderful evenings in there, playing footsy. He wanted to make it up to her.
Home Depot delivered the tub around 9 am on Wednesday. Mulder had bundled Will up for a day with his grandma Maggie. He knew enough to realize that a six month old, with a few needs, might not be the best thing to have around plumbing and electricity.
Electricity. He had not thought about the power needs of the whirlpool. It was going to be a little more difficult than Mulder had planned, but he had taken physics in high school. He knew how to complete a circuit.
Mulder had the delivery guys bring the tub upstairs and into the bathroom. He had pulled the old tub out after Scully left for work that morning. It didn't want to come, but after he got the crowbar out of the garage, it just popped away from the wall. Mulder carefully disconnected the water, like he had seen Bob do, and was ready for the new tub.
Once the tub was in place he pulled out his directions. He had to "sweat" the copper tubing in place around the tub. Pulling out his new torch and lead-free solder, he worked his way around the tub slowly, trying to make it as neat as possible. The next step was to build a knee board around the base to hold the tub in place. This part was easy! He had taken shop in the ninth grade and had learned to run a saw with great skill. As Mulder was nailing the last piece in place, he noticed the comment about an access panel. Shit. Well, he decided that he could just cut one out the next time he needed access to the tub mechanism.
After putting a little decking around the tub, the direction called for cutting a hole in the floor for the plumbing. Surely he didn't need to do that? He already had plumbing to the old tub.
Mulder shook his head and tried to figure out how to adapt the directions. It turned out that they were written for installation in a new bathroom, not to replace an old tub. He sweated and cursed, but finally got the old plumbing to attach to the new tub.
The next step included connecting the pump. He ran his finger down the instructions. It all looked pretty basic. Besides, what house wouldn't have the outlets all grounded? Certainly he could just hook up the juice from the plug along the wall. All that was left was to turn the water on and check for leaks.
As Mulder walked back upstairs from the basement, he could hear water spraying, not a lot, but there was definitely a leak somewhere. He moved a little quicker, hoping it hadn't already ruined the linoleum in the bathroom.
He could see a little sheen of water beginning to cover the floor. It was coming from inside the tub. This is when the access panel would be handy. He reached for his small saw and began cutting near the front of the tub where the water seemed to be coming from.
Boom!
Mulder slid across the floor, finally hitting the carpet, breaking the circuit and ending the shock. He dropped the saw onto the floor, noticing a burn covering his hands in the shape of the saw handle.
Not sure what to do, he got up, checked for damage and headed for the basement steps. More than anything, he needed to turn off the water AND the power.
Mulder pulled the handle, turning the water off. He turned to reach for the circuit breaker.
Boom!
Knocked on his butt once again, Mulder looked up at the wall. Scully had thoughtfully put a phone in the basement, along with a phone book on the small table nearby. He reached for it, moving gingerly, his tailbone certainly turning more black and blue by the second.
He flipped the yellow pages open to "P" and called the first ad on the page. After explaining the situation he listened while the man on the phone explained that on a scale of 1 to 10, the tub was an 8.
"So, you can take care of it?" Mulder asked.
"Sure thing,
buddy. We'll be out next month."
FIN
Feedback gratefully received here.