Sometimes the World Ain't Sweet

I slowly became aware of my surroundings. I could feel the intubation tube down my throat, scratching against the gentle tissues. My memory from my recent brushes with death was good enough to remind me that if I twisted my head to see who was holding my hand, it would really hurt. And besides, I knew who it would be...there was only one person who would be sitting at my bedside holding my hand.

Max.

I tightened my grip on hers, to let her know that I was awake. There was no way for me to speak with the tube in my throat.

She gave me a really good squeeze back. I'll say one thing for the transgenics...they often had no concept of their own strength.

I heard her push back the chair and could sense she was standing above me. I reached deep within to open my eyes so I could somehow signal that I was okay and how much I loved her.

Slowly my lids began to raise, my eyes trying to focus without the benefit of my glasses...

It wasn't her. It was...Joshua?

"We were able to give you a transfusion of Joshua's blood, which worked to neutralize the virus in your bloodstream."

I could barely focus on Doctor Shankar standing at the side of my bed, explaining how they had managed to help me cheat fate one more time.

Another Manticore transfusion; well, that explained why my ass hurt so much and I could feel the ingrown toenail on my left foot.

"Can you call Dr. Sam Carr for me? I appreciate all you've done, but...well, Dr. Shankar, I would just feel better if I talked to Sam about this."

"You're experiencing a return of sensation?"

Damn, there were no secrets from anyone. I nodded.

"It's to be expected, although I assume you understand that it's temporary. I would estimate that it will take about twelve hours for your body to begin to reject the cells. Fortunately the viral cells weren't that hard to kill this time but it won't be as easy next time. This was a treatment option for us this time, Logan, but it most likely will not work again. Unfortunately, it's not a cure."

I couldn't help but feel it all wash over me again. Of all the things that had happened to Max and I, this was easily the most cruel. To cheat us out of the simplest touch...it was inhumane, but then again, much of what Manticore did was inhumane.

"Where is she? Where is Max?" I asked. Even if we couldn't touch, I needed to see her, to let her know that I was okay; hell, to chase her around the room without the grind of the exo echoing in our ears.

"She was here, with her friend, Cindy. I'll send her in," the doctor replied before she headed out to finish with her rounds.

My infinite patience allowed me to wait for fifteen minutes before I decided to head out on my own to find her. I swung my feet over the side of the bed, swayed for a moment or two, and then heaved myself up using the IV pole to steady myself. It wasn't pretty, but it was going to have to do.

My feet shuffled across the floor, much like they had when Max had given me her blood. In some ways it was easier this time, possibly because of the exo. It kept my muscles in shape in a way that had been hard for me right after I was shot.

I headed toward the waiting area, but there was no Max. Grasping the handrail along the wall, I shuffled back toward the nurse's station. I turned down a hallway before they could catch me and found Original Cindy sitting on a small couch, tucked away in a corner.

"Logan...you're up!"

I knew she would be surprised. I wasn't sure how much Max had explained to her about before. I wondered if any of them had considered what Joshua's blood might do to me.

"I have to tell, you, though...your ass is hanging out," Cindy teased me.

Using the chair, I had gotten used to no one seeing my ass except Bling. I had certainly forgotten the curse of the open hospital gown. I chuckled as I sank down onto the couch next to Cindy.

"So, where's Max?" I tried to ask casually.

"Hey, Logan, it was like Normal called and there was nothing she could do, but head back to Jam Pony."

I looked closely at Original Cindy's face. She was good, but not good enough for the world famous Eyes Only.

"That's bullshit, Cindy. Where did she go? She didn't go do something stupid, did she?"

Damn it, I knew she would do something like this. Max had never been very good at confronting her feelings. Instead she would lash out, or try to make the guilty party pay. I had just gotten her back from the breeding cult...it killed me to think of her taking on White again so soon, facing mortal danger in my name.

If Cindy knew where she was, she wasn't talking. I was about to get up and head back to my room, when my left leg began to spasm. Oh well, it had been fun...

"Can you get a wheelchair from the nurse?"

Cindy shot me a look of confusion.

"It's temporary. I knew it wouldn't last again."

A look of pain crossed her face and she headed down the hall in search of a nurse. I wasn't upset about the legs going again, like most people might assume. Quite frankly, I was scared shitless to find out where the hell Max had gone and what she was getting herself into.

"Thanks, man, I appreciate you helping out," I said, twisting in my chair to smile at Bling as he picked up my overnight bag. I had paged and called Max to tell her I was leaving the hospital, but so far she hadn't responded. I was getting more than worried, but Cindy kept trying to reassure me that nothing was up, that she was just busy.

As far as I was concerned, those were pretty bullshit excuses.

Fortunately Bling had an open morning and could run me home. Dr. Shankar had cleared me for using the exoskeleton later that day, but the battery had run completely down while I was in the hospital and my car was presumably still sitting behind Crash. I'd have to ask Max to retrieve that for me as well when she called.

"It's a nice look," Bling teased as he touched the last of the marks on my face. The virus was not pretty, but Joshua's DNA seemed to be bringing my peaches and cream complexion back on schedule.

"Thanks again, man."

"No problem, Logan. Glad to do it."

It felt good to pace in the exo. I could think better when I could pace. The chair worked too, but tonight I felt like a caged animal. I needed to move around. The feeling was nearly gone in my legs, but the severe spasms were also coming less frequently. As the nerve endings fried again, it wreaked havoc on my system. I had tried to get into the exo earlier that afternoon, but my restless legs wouldn't permit it.

I had beeped Max again, but there was still no word from her. Finally, the phone rang. I grabbed the receiver and pressed it to my ear.

"Hi, stranger." I could tell I was babbling as I tried to explain about wandering around looking for her and Cindy catching me bare-assed. Max was strangely quiet. She said something about us, and I could hear it in her voice. She'd given up. Suddenly it all made sense...Joshua in my room, her disappearing act. The pained look on Original Cindy was not about me not being able to walk again...it was about Max and what she was doing to us.

"Don't do this, Max," I pleaded. I'd been there, I'd known what it was like to try and live without her.

Ultimately, though, it wasn't my decision. If she'd given up on us, there was little I could do. I sank down on the couch, the phone still in my hand. The pain washed over me likes the waves at the shore and the tears began to wrack my body. It was like having her die all over again.

FIN

Feedback gratefully received and acknowledged at rachel _wilder@hotmail.com