From Darkness to Light II: A Helping Hand

If that's practice, then I'm a new believer in the credo that practice makes perfect.

A week earlier

I wasn't worried when she left that morning, the morning after we first did it. That was just Max, but as the day went on my creative mind starting making all sorts of excuses for her bolting. It was too much too soon. It was too weird for her. We were too different for this to ever work, let alone my physical shortcomings. What had she gotten out of it? She might appreciate me for my mind, but the limp legs, hell, the limp dick, were not attractive additions. My mind raced with reasons for her never speaking to me again.

I decided to work my anxiety out with an extra-long therapy session with Bling, followed by a complete overhauling of my office. The piles were starting to get out of hand and I knew of at least ten things I had been recently looking for that had disappeared into the mess. I had always been a fairly organized guy, but lately, well, my organizational skills had fallen off. Maybe it was related to the daydreaming. Man, meet a woman and you totally fall apart. Even Bling had noticed, commenting one day that when he first met me I never lost my cell phone, now it seemed to be
missing every third day.

In the second-to-last pile I found one of the missing items...the cream-colored invitation I had received from my aunt the month before. As I picked it up the reply card slipped out. Damn. I thought I had remembered to return that one.

I picked the card up off the floor and stared at it. Name of guests...well, I guess a date was definitely an option now. Would Max want seafood or the vegetarian entrée?

Before I could lose my nerve I reached for the phone.

"Aunt Margo, it's Logan. About the wedding..."

I meant to ask her, but well, things got in the way. Each time I was going to mention the wedding, and my hope that she would go with me, we had to confront things like South African super warriors, or Bruno Anselmo. I knew that I should move on, forget what Bruno did to me, but there was more than a little bit of me that was happy to hear he was dead. Hopefully, this time it would be for real.

It was Bling who got me into the wheelchair basketball league. He thought it would be a good way for me to get out, to develop some social skills. He was really disturbed by my obsession with Anselmo. I resisted for a long time, but ultimately I caved in to his intense and unrelenting pressure.

It's been a great way to meet some other guys dealing with the things that seem to affect my daily life now. Of course I was a bit taken aback the first day when Joe started going off about his bowel management problem and Cliff shared his experiences with a new leg bag. We had definitely moved beyond pulling each other's jock straps and talking about who we nailed the night before.

A lot of these guys have done some serious chair time. I'm still a newbie, finding my way. When I got there today I ran into Ron, a guy about my age that had broken his back in a bike accident when he was fifteen.

"Logan, man, you're looking good today!" he called out as he rolled onto the court. I had come early to work on my hook shot. My neighborhood just isn't the kind of place where you put up a hoop. I threw the ball up and it swished through the hoop again. Seven out of eight.

I nodded as I threw up another shot. I was good. Max and I had started doing something that I wasn't sure I was ever going to be able to do again. It felt damned good.

"Yep, something's different here..." Ron teased as he pulled his chair up by mine. "You look, well, you look damned happy, Logan. This smiley, happy-go-lucky appearance is not your usual game face."

I smiled and looked down, quite frankly a little embarrassed that my new found pleasure was so obvious. "Well, you could say I got over a hump last week."

"Hump?" Ron asked.

Shit. Where the hell did that word come from? Hump. It's like a gynecologist calling a penis "Mr. Chuckles." Hump.

"Sex. I had sex."

Ron laughed and nodded. "So you did, guy. So you did. Your first?"

I knew what he meant. My first since the accident. Yeah, she definitely is. I nodded.

"Everything go okay?" he asked.

"Pretty well," I answered. "We kind of played it by ear, but yeah, it went okay."

"Well, if I can ever offer some advice, you let me know. I've gotten over a couple of 'humps' now."

I smiled. It's our code word now, me and Ron.

"Anyway, you might want to check this out," he said, stopping to write on a piece of paper from his bag. When he's finished, he hands it to me. It's a web site address. I decided to check it out when I got home. And then I would definitely tell Max about the wedding. No more stalling.

I lean forward, concentrating on the words on the screen.

If you are a paraplegic male, with practice, you can learn to have intercourse in the "on-top" position using the "stuffing" technique. The man can assume the top position and, with his fingers, tuck his flaccid, soft penis into the vagina. By thrusting her hips and using the muscles of her
vagina, his partner takes the soft penis into her vagina with a sort of pulling, sucking movement. While the flaccid penis gives a sensation of penetration that can be very satisfying in itself, the motion of the hips and the muscle action of the vagina often cause a reflex erection. [http://calder.med.miami.edu/pointis/handbook.html.]

"What's got you so wrapped up?" Max asks, her voice over my shoulder.

I alt-tab the screen away and turn to face her.

"Don't you ever use the doorbell?"

"I rang and Bling even let me in. You were the one who was all unaware. So, what had your attention?"

"Nothing," I answer. I'm not quite ready to share the "stuffing" technique with Max.

"Didn't look like nothing."

"Well, it was." God, she is so cute when she is curious. Must be the feline DNA. "Can I help you?"

"Nah, I just thought I'd check in...see what was happening around here," she says.

I nod. Now would be a good time to ask her about the wedding, but instead my mind is stuffed with the thought of stuffing.

"Must've been good..."

"It was nothing, Max." I push past her and go into the kitchen. I expect her to follow me, but she doesn't. It takes me a minute to figure out why, but when I do, I spin back and find her leaning over my computer screen.

"Dammit, Max. That's not very respectful of my privacy," I say, unable to look her in the eye. "If I wanted you to read that, I would have shared it. You going to go through my e-mail, too, now?"

"I can do this," she answers, smiling at me.

I look back at her, questioning. Is she sure? Shit, what have I gotten myself into?

"It's not very romantic," I say as I lift myself into the bed.

"What isn't?" she asks as she pulls her shirt off.

"Well, we've printed off instructions from a web site, sent Bling to the grocery store two sectors over and now we're going to do our homework?" I slide back against the pillows and reach down to straighten my legs. Even with all of the workouts I do with Bling, I can't believe how thin they've
gotten. I wonder if Max notices.

"We work now so we can play later. I liked what we did the other time, but I'm willing to give anything a try once..."

She's smiling at me, with the devilish look she has so often. God, it melts me.

I think I'm going to like practicing.

Max crosses to me, slipping her bra off. She's an incredible specimen. Her arms are perfect, so muscular and shapely. I love the light caramel tone to her complexion, so much more interesting than my pasty white boy skin. She leans down over me and brushes her lips across mine. I swear I can feel a tingle all the way down to my toes. I lean forward so I can deepen the kiss. She responds by crawling on the bed. She kneels in front of me, her legs on either side of mine and continues to kiss me, now pressing me back against the pillows.

Our kiss ends and she smiles gently at me. She slips her pants off and reaches for my shirt. She pulls it from my shoulders and reaches for my zipper. We've done this before and I trust her, but I still wish that it was darker in the room. I'm uncomfortable about how it looks down there. I let out a little breath, almost a sigh, really.

"Are you okay with this, Logan?"

"Yes. I...of course. Why?"

"You act like you're bracing yourself," she answers as she lifts my leg and pulls my pants off.

I shake my head. It's not that, but I'm just not quite ready for all of this. I don't want her to think that I'm unhappy with her, that I don't want to be with her, but shit, I'm scared. It's like the first time was a fluke. To do this regularly, it means a commitment and I'm not sure she would want that. I'm not sure that I can take rejection. It's like I'd rather she go now than later. Later will hurt more and I'm not sure how much more hurt I can take.

"So, we're supposed to..." Max gestures with her hands to indicate that I'm supposed to be on top. I guess gravity rules the day on this one. I lever myself up, but before I can move over her, she's flipped me up on top of her. Nothing like messing around with the superhero girlfriend...

"Hey, you okay?" I ask, raising myself up with my right arm. She nods and moves slightly, sliding beneath me toward the headboard.

"So," Max says, her eyes scanning my face.

"So."

I slip my hands down and touch my penis. It's strange to see it like this now. For much of my life I prided myself on having a nice dick. Before my accident I always thought I was a good lover. I knew how to pleasure the woman I was with, always did pretty good for myself, too. Hell, if I
wasn't with anyone at the time, I did all right on my own. The past few months had been a totally different experience...a very frustrating experience. Instead of pleasure, this part of my body had become about bodily function, tubing and sterile procedures. There was no pleasure whatsoever.

I hold my penis in my hand and reach for Max. I touch her and can feel that she's slightly wet. I brace myself over her, and start to stuff the penis in her. Her hand reaches over and touches my hand. She helps me. It's weird, I'm limp, but I can sense that she's pulling me inside of her.

"You're in," she says, breathing a little more heavily now.

I rock up on her, rubbing my hips against her. "Is that working?"

"Yes, god, yes, Logan," she calls. She arches her back and pulls me in further. "You're getting hard!" Reflex erection, it does work. I can't imagine that we can get any closer.

Without warning, she flips me over, so I am now under her. I'm not sure if I'm still in her, but she doesn't seem to mind.

She begins moving her hands over the skin along my sides. I'm very sensitive there, especially at the line of my injury where the nerves aren't quite sure what to feel. Her mouth now moves to my nipples. Her tongue plays with my left nipple as it becomes more sensitive and engorged. I squirm a bit against the mattress.

"Is it too much?" she asks.

No, I shake my head. I'm not sure I can speak right now. I'm just amazed that we've gotten so close, so quickly. I feel like I've been with Max forever.

I hear the front door open and close. Bling is back. Max suddenly gets shy and rolls off to my side, tucking her head next to my arm.

"How are we going to get out of here?" she asks.

"I think he knows what's going on, Max," I answer. "He's a smart guy, and anyway, he's the one who made me realize that I...well...that there was more to this than just a friendship."

She looks up at me. "Bling?"

"And Kendra and Original Cindy didn't press you on it?"

She laughs. "Yeah, well, they've been convinced something was going on since I met you. God, Logan, I could lie here in your arms all night, but I promised Kendra we'd do something tonight. She feels like I'm abandoning her, with my new extra-curriculars."

She wants to stay here with me, that's all I can focus on. I want to hold her in my arms like this forever.

"You want a shower first?" I ask.

"You want to take one with me?" she teases.

I nod. I guess this is a day of experimentation. I reach for my boxer shorts and put them on, then transfer into my chair. As Max heads for the bathroom, I go to find Bling.

"Hey, Bling, I think we're done here for the day, you can take off," I say, pulling a t-shirt over my head.

"You sure, Logan?"

"Yeah, I'm just gonna fix a little dinner, stay in," I answer, trying to look casual.

"Max need anything from the store?" he asks.

I start to respond, but then realize he's teasing. "Good night, Bling."

"I..." I want to have a witty comeback, but I'm a little overwhelmed from the day and nothing's coming to mind. "However you like it."

I slip my t-shirt and boxers back off and push my chair toward the shower. Max is already in there, naked, her wet hair curling around her neck.

"Do you need help?" she asks.

I shake my head. I've gotten used to the routine in here. I reach for the bar and pull myself easily from the chair onto the bench along the back end of the shower. I usually set up the water to come through a movable shower head, but tonight Max has it coming out of the regular shower head. It hits me above my head, the water running down onto my hair, over my face, steaming up my glasses.

"Here, let me get those," she says, taking my glasses from my face.

I look back up at her, her form now slightly fuzzy. I love her breasts. It sounds so junior high, but they really are perky. I want to take them in my mouth.

"Come here," I say, gesturing to the floor in front of me. Max kneels down on the tile. I lean forward and take her left breast in my mouth. I feel her nipple harden as I continue to run my tongue around the edge of her areola. She leans in and nips gently at my ear. Her left arm reaches for the wall, bracing herself as her right hand slides along my left side. I move to her right breast and continue to suckle. I run my tongue around the edges of her nipples, loving how they grow hard inside of me. I grew hard inside of her. I can hardly wipe the smile from my face.

"You're pretty pleased with yourself," Max says, laughing at me.

I can't help it. We did it. Hell, I did IT.

Standing up, she takes the bottle of shampoo in her hands. She pours some in her palm and begins to work it into her hair.

"Let me do that."

She kneels in front of me and I take her hair in my hands, kneading it, moving the soap through her tresses. She stands up for a moment and grabs the movable shower head. I take it in my hand and begin rinsing the soap from her hair. It's thick and I need to keep moving my hand through her
hair to get all of the soap out of it.

"You next?" she asks.

I nod.

Again she pours the minty-scented soap into her hands. She slips her hands onto my head, massaging my scalp as she moves the shampoo through my hair. I groan with pleasure and relax even more. I can tell that I'm beginning to slip off the bench when she grabs me and pushes me back.

"Easy there," she says and leans down to kiss me. Nothing is an accident with Max.

I grab the soap and a loofah and begin to work on her legs. She turns so I can run it over her back and down her ass. She giggles a bit as it tickles along her hips. She turns back to me with a washcloth, covered in soap.

"Can I do your chest?"

I nod, she can do anything she wants to. She moves the cloth across my chest, abrading it slightly. My nipples respond to the slight roughness of the cloth. Everything is responding tonight. She reaches for me and pulls me up in front of her, her left arm steadying me while her right hand
moves across my back. Her hand comes around the front now, moving along my penis and then my balls. I can only imagine how they might respond if they knew what my brain was thinking.

Max eases me back down on the bench and turns the water off. She quickly slips out and gets towels for both of us. I love what we are doing together, but I can't help but mourn for what we have lost. I guess I have to get over that. Some things aren't going to change.

"Well...I should get going now," Max says reluctantly.

"Yeah, but it's been amazing," I answer.

"Amazing," she echoes.

It isn't until she leaves that I realize I still haven't asked her about the wedding.

Oh well, there's always tomorrow.

FIN

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