From Darkness to Light I: Out of Trust

Logan can make me crazy. Crazy mad. Crazy worried. Before him, I never had to deal with these kinds of emotions. I just did my thing and got out of there. Nobody got hurt, nobody had to get all worked up.

Things are changing and it's not for the better. Or then again, maybe it is. Maybe there is hope for a revved up chick like me to actually have a normal life after all.

I don't know what possessed me to ask him over to dinner to begin with. I mean, Logan, he's a great cook and, well, I know a lot of pizza delivery guys. But before I could stop the words, they were coming out.

"So, you wanna come to my place for dinner tomorrow?"

He looked at me kinda cross-eyed and then said yes. The fool said yes.

But it all went to hell in the end. No dinner, no pre-pulse wine, just mayhem, murder and a bunch of kids getting sold off the street. Which brings me to tonight. He asked for a rain check. I'm just not sure what the rain check is for...the dinner or the emotions that were going with it. I'm not sure I'm ready to pay up on either account.

"The world will still be broken in the morning."

I can't believe he just said that. Is Logan Cale really admitting that he can turn his attentions to something else? The pasta tricolore won't be THAT good, I can promise you that!

Or maybe it's ...someone else.

I'm all messed up on my feelings about him. I can't think straight and that's never, ever been my problem. I was ready to walk away from it all, from him, but as soon as Bling told me he was in trouble, I was right back in it. I couldn't not help. I couldn't imagine not having him in my life.

Man, I'm in big trouble.

I pull the pan of boiling pasta off the stove and follow Logan's directions to drain it in the colander he put in the sink. I test the water to make sure it's hot enough and then begin rinsing the pasta. I can tell he's right behind me, watching my every move, but I don't dare look back at him. I'm afraid that everything will be completely clear to him.

I grab a bowl from the cupboard and pour the pasta in it. Moving past him, I set it on the table. I wait for him to come join me. There are three chairs to choose from, but he's set my plate at the one to his left, right next to him. I sit down and watch while he pours a glass of wine. I need to be careful. This wine is pre-pulse and will have a much stronger effect. I need to keep control tonight.

I try to listen to him chatter about his life before, a story about his mom, some vacation they took, but I can't really listen. I'm watching his chest rise and fall, the fork going up to his mouth, the way his mouth moves as he chews. Instead of drinking the wine, I'm drinking in Logan Cale. Every drop of him.

"Max?"

My head snaps up, I have no idea what he just said.

"What?" I manage to sputter out.

"I wondered if you might want to go into the living room? For coffee?"

I nod wordlessly. I don't even want coffee, but that doesn't matter.

I follow him into the living room, carrying the tray with the coffee and two cups. I set the tray down on the coffee table while he transfers from his chair to the couch. The lights of Seattle are twinkling outside the windows and again I'm amazed how peaceful the city looks from up here. I wish I could take him to the Needle. I'd love to share that place with him.

I turn back and find him relaxed on the couch. I slip my shoes off and join him. I sit next to him for a moment and then, without saying anything, turn so I am lying on the couch, my head in his lap.

"Hard day?" he asks, threading his fingers through my curly hair.

I nod. It's been a hard week. I recover quickly, but I got pretty banged up at the first airstrip and then the situation with Logan and Bronck...well, it took it out of me.

I close my eyes, relaxing as he continues to touch my hair, then runs his fingers along the edge of my face.

"God, Max...you're so..."

My eyes snap open. I'm so what?

Logan doesn't answer. Instead he leans forward and gently touches my lips. He's so soft, even with his beard. I had kissed him before, but this was different. There wasn't the same urgency as outside the cabin. This wasn't an end. It was a beginning.

I sit up and turn to face him. Our eyes lock as we simultaneously tried to decide if this is the right move. The edges of his lips curve up and I take it as a sign of agreement. I lean in and kiss him again, my hand around the back of his head, pulling him closer. His hand slips down to touch my breast. My nipple quickly hardens under his touch. This is different than my heat, it's not that my body feels ripe and ready, but that I want it. I'm deciding to be here now, instead of the hormones making me do it.

Rising now onto my knees, I move on either side of his legs. I sit back on my knees, nearly sitting on his lap.

"I want you, Logan." It is the most honest thing I have ever said. No games, no diversions. I want him now.

He swallows and nods.

I kiss him again, this time deeper, pressing further into his mouth, exploring every capped tooth of his. He tastes so sweet, with the wine and pasta sauce mixing perfectly. I slip my hands down his shirt, loosening the buttons as I go. Running my hands over his chest, I can feel his well-developed muscles. My hands rove further, down the sides of his chest as Logan continues to kiss me.

Now his hands are on me again, pulling my shirt off, loosening my bra. My breasts spring free and he takes them in his hands again. Breaking from our kiss, his mouth moves down my neck and across my chest. He nips lightly at me again and again, until he reaches my nipples. They are erect and waiting for him.

I had often wondered what being intimate with Logan might be like. I didn't know what we could and could not do. My worries are for naught...what we are doing is more than enough.

"Bed," Logan gasps as I arch my back away from his latest kiss.

I slip off his lap so he can slide back into his chair. I follow him into his room, pulling back the duvet so he can move into the bed easily. He stops next to the bed and pivots so he is facing me. He grabs my hand and pulls me closer. He tenderly kisses my belly, licking around the edge of my navel. I laugh, it tickles a bit.

Not responding, he pops the button on my jeans and slides the zipper down. His hands move in, sliding my panties and jeans down to my knees. I pick my feet up, kicking the pants loose and away from us.

Logan pulls me closer again, now his face is even with my mound. He reaches up and touches my clit. I gasp slightly. I am wet and ready to go at any second. He touches it again, this time moving his fingers over it quickly, like a butterfly. He leans in and gently tongues it again. And again. I begin to pant, my breaths coming shorter and shorter.

"Oh, god, Logan!" I gasp. His hands massage my ass as he continues to move his tongue over me. I have never had a man do this for me before.

My body begins to shudder as the waves of pleasure move over me.

"Are you okay, Max?" he asks, mistaking my orgasm for a seizure.

"God, yes," I answer.

I reach down, slipping my hands under his arms. I pull him up to me for a moment, kissing him as he stands, balancing on unfeeling legs in front of me. I quickly lower him to the edge of the bed. He slides back, against the pillows, pulling his legs after him.

"I don't know what..."

I interrupt his concerns with more kisses. I don't know what will work either, but I want to do for him what he has already done so ably for me.

I am on top of him, my legs on either side of his. I slip his shirt from his shoulders and run my hands down his arms. He is totally ripped. My hands slide lower, down to his hips. I slip my hands into his jeans and pause.

"Go on," he says.

I slide the jeans from his slim hips, leaving him only in his boxers. I don't know if I should keep going or not. I pause for a moment until Logan reaches for my chin, raising my eyes to meet his.

"It's okay," he says quietly.

My hands return to his chest, moving, caressing. I lean in and kiss his neck, then lower. I trickle down the thin line of hair leading to his navel, nipping, licking and sucking.

"I'm going to have to keep my shirt on tomorrow," Logan teases, as I was now aware of the line of little hickies I have left on his chest and abdomen.

I stop, embarrassed at what I have done.

"No, don't stop, Max."

I slide my hands under his boxers, starting to slip them down. I pause again, still unsure. Suddenly I feel Logan's hands on mine, encouraging me to completely disrobe him.

I'm not sure what is causing my reticence. I have seen a man's junk before. Hell, if I wanted to see Logan's, I could have snuck a peek under the sheets when he was in the hospital, but this is different. Very different.

"I don't know what it'll do, Max," Logan says, holding my gaze. "Sometimes it seems fine and other times, there's nothing. I don't know..."

I nod and finish pulling off the shorts. It lays there, limp and pink. I put my tongue on it, tasting it.

Honestly, this has never been my thing. When I'm in heat, it's always all about me, about getting my job done, getting me off. I have never gone down on anyone. Hell, I've never even done it when I wasn't in heat. This isn't about somebody doing something for me, getting me off, this is about me wanting to be with Logan. God, I want to be with Logan.

I stroke it a little more. The cat DNA isn't all about my cycles and jumping, this feels just a little bit like I'm cleaning Logan's coat. I move further up the shaft, then stop.

"Logan," I start, not sure what I'm going to say. "This...this is about you having pleasure, not doing something for me. I want to do something for you."

He nods, understanding what I'm asking. His hand reaches out for mine and brings it back up to his breast.

"Do me here."

I'm lying in Logan's bed, his arms holding me close. I never thought that I would have something like this, that I would ever get this close to someone. Needless to say, they never taught us about intimacy at Manticore.

I know that I should just get moving. I've got work today and Kendra is going to need more than five seconds of explanation about why I didn't come home last night, let alone what Original Cindy's going to do when she sees the big dumb look on my face, cause I don't need to see a mirror to know that there's one plastered there.

"Morning," Logan mumbles against my back. He kisses me lightly on my bar code. It tickles a little bit.

I roll over to face him. His eyes are still half-closed and a bit unfocused without his glasses. I don't want to just run out on him, but Normal is going to be on my ass if I don't jam.

"So, after I fix the world today, you think you might come over for dessert?"

I nod. I don't know where this is all going, but I'm pretty sure that Logan and I can never go back to what we were. It's just no longer possible.

FIN

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